MTV's Surreal World

I’ve been back home for a week now, and have very much enjoyed being in the company of my beloved family again — not only because they’re wonderful people, but because they always inject a note of the unexpected into my life. This week’s notable incidents revolve around a hermit crab. Kathy brought it home from Schlitterbahn the other day, having given in to Maggie’s incessant pleadings. Notable hermit crab moments:

  • Maggie burst in the door, clear crab box in hand, announcing excitedly “I got a crab! His name is Fluffy!” Best. Name. Ever.
  • While watching a movie later on that night, Maggie put the crab on the coffee table. She then insisted that I move my feet “so Fluffy can see the movie.”
  • We had to get distilled water to put on a sponge and give to the crab. Now, correct me if I’m wrong here, but a special trip to the grocery store for distilled water to feed an animal that normally lives in the offal-filled, medical-waste strewn ocean and feeds on rotting fish carcasses seems a bit ridiculous, don’t you think? If it can weather the beaches of New Jersey, a crab can certainly handle a bit of tap water.
  • Last night, I was lying in bed after Kathy went to sleep, and heard a scrabbling sound. We have been having some trouble with mice, so I mentioned to Kathy when she stirred “I think your little rodent friend is back.” She immediately demurred, saying “No, it’s just the lobster on your desk.” WHAT? It turns out Maggie had left the crab on my desk in our bedroom, and in Kathy’s somnolent state, her brain mixed up crustaceans. (Maggie likes to visit the lobsters at the supermarket too.)