Weekend To-Do: Postmortem

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  • Take youngest daughter to river. Get sunburned head. Consider Hair Club for Men or gluing a chinchilla to my noggin.
  • Get attacked by oldest daughter with cleverly captured goose. In retribution, use telepathic powers to make goose poop on her shoe.
  • Plan reunion of old friends. Have it dissolve utterly. Eat fourteen pounds of leftover sandwiches.
  • Play tag with children. Brain self on playground railing. Teach children new vocabulary words.
  • Finish writing up weekend postm