Category Archives: Post-Mortem

Weekend To-Do: Postmortem

Jump in river. Forget to take wallet out of pocket. Learn nothing from the experience. Repeat next day. Attend Irish Music Jam Session. Narrowly avoid putting out own eye with bodhrán beater. Reiterate conviction that we have quite enough pets around the house already, thank you. Drive 12 year old with big eyes and remarkable […]

Weekend To-Do: Postmortem

Reaffirm my lack of skill at Scrabble. Take long nap on couch in sunbeam. Endure withering stares from cat, whose spot and habit I usurped. Watch a truly staggering amount of invertebrate sex. Attend child’s birthday party with bouncy castle. Bounce. Rip pants. For second year running, win “lamest halloween costume” award, this time with […]

Weekend To-Do: Postmortem

Prove that I’m still constitutionally capable of eating nothing that isn’t fried for a 24 hour period. Regret it. Attend library book sale. Feel inordinately pleased with myself for finding several books and CDs, the existence of which I’d been previously unaware and without which my life would have been no less rich. Spend 92 […]

Weekend To-Do: Postmortem

Take youngest daughter to river. Get sunburned head. Consider Hair Club for Men or gluing a chinchilla to my noggin. Get attacked by oldest daughter with cleverly captured goose. In retribution, use telepathic powers to make goose poop on her shoe. Plan reunion of old friends. Have it dissolve utterly. Eat fourteen pounds of leftover […]

Weekend To-Do: Postmortem

Buy another Wii at Toys R’ Us. Resell on eBay to take advantage of continued scarcity. By dint of exceptional financial acumen, lose $13 on the whole deal. In spite of continued illness, sing for offering at church. Receive 6x as many compliments on music as when I’m healthy. Savor irony. Marvel at lego Stephen […]

Weekend To-Do: Postmortem

Post job opening to Craig’s List. Wonder why it doesn’t appear on the site. Email support. Fail to receive reply. Realize one gets what one pays for. Go to airport to retrieve 15 year old. Scoff at 10 year old’s suggestions that repeated schedule changes are airline’s way of “breaking it to you gently that […]

Weekend To-Do: Postmortem

Discuss their recent urological procedures with two friends. Get the willies. Play for offering at church. Cause long-term downward spiral, eventual collapse of church finances. Celebrate family members’ birthdays by eating enormous heaping piles of dead cow, turkey. Vow never to eat BBQ again. Eat BBQ again. Make stuffed jalepeños. Realize belatedly that wrapping saran […]

Weekend To-Do: Post-Mortem

Help move refrigerator, stove. Use tools. Narrowly avoid self-inflicted injury. Help erect fence. Feel disproportionately manly. Lead music at church. Fail to drive congregants to apostasy or evacuation, in spite of usual fears. Endure three hundred twenty second continuous day of rain. Wonder who moved San Marcos to England without telling me. Watch fireworks from […]

Weekend To-Do: Post-Mortem

Attend wedding rehearsal, play with band while wife and kids dance and run around. Find out after the fact that the bartender cut Liam off after 8 root beers. Keep kids out far after bedtime, thus ensuring squabbling and grumpiness. Vow never to do so again. Have breakfast with dear out-of-town friends. Laugh heartily at […]

Weekend To-Do: Post-Mortem

Minor Tweaks, one of my favorite people-I’ve-never-met weblogs, runs a regular feature called “Weekend To Do List: Post-Portem”. Believing fervently that plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery, I’m adopting the practice here. Enjoy! Take wife to Fredericksburg for anniversary getaway. Marvel at, contribute to, economy fueled entirely by souvenirs. Try Mad Dog hot sauce […]